Wednesday Wifehood

Originally posted 2/11/09

I've especially been having to relearn this lesson recently!

I'm sitting here eating the Honey Nut Cheerios snack mix I got from Giant Eagle with a coupon this week (picking out the pretzels of course) and wondering why they would put nasty pretzels in a sweet snack mix. I'm not a fan of pretzels and whenever I eat snack mixes (which always have them!!) I usually just hand them to my husband and won't let him have any of the good stuff like the chex pieces or little breadsticks. He's so good to me and eats them all without too much complaint! :)

A thought stuck me today as I was reading my Proverb for the day: #5. Good old #5 about how men need to stay away from immoral women. In verse 19 it says "As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her (the wife of your youth) breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love." Most of us wives say "Yeah! That's right!" But do we ever think about what this verse may mean for us, besides security? "Be enraptured with her love" kinda gives the inpression that the wive is ACTIVELY loving her husband, huh? I think this ties in with Titus 2:4 very well: "that they (older women) admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."

Let's take that thought a little further, even. Am I loving my husband actively in a way that will enrapture him? You may think "It's up to him to accept it" but hold on for a minute. Isn't it our job as wives to be our husbands "help"meets? Isn't it my goal in our relationship to do what I can to help, encourage, and come beside him? Do you think that might including making it easier for him to be enraptured by my love?

If you've never heard of the Five Love Languages book, this may be confusing to you, but the whole idea is that everyone has one of five distinct ways they like to give and receive love. I was a skeptic at first, especially when my husband told me he'd taken the test and his love language was touch. I figured he was just saying that because he wanted it that way, etc. I was a skeptic until I overheard the author of the book, Gary Chapman, on a radio program talking about what happens in a marriage where the partners aren't speaking each other's love language. He described my (then) current marriage state loud and clear and it was a slap in the face to hear a stranger I didn't buy into explain all the little struggles we were dealing with no one else around could see. After that I took the test and am considering reading the book now. My husband is touch and I am gifts and quality time.

Now here's obstacle #1. Touch was the lowest one for me. Actually, I scored a 0 out 0f 12 on that one. Honestly, I don't like to be touched much, especially when I'm pregnant. Maybe the occasional hug and goodnight kiss. Here's obstacle #2. I spend all day wiping a runny nose, changing poopy diapers, cooking, cleaning, reading and a whole host of other things. You mean to tell me that after all that, when I feel completely drained, I need to actively love my husband in a way that's difficult for me? In a word: YES.

Back to my illustration about the pretzels. I have been giving my husband the pretzels out of the bag of my time and energy. I happily give my time to a lot of things throughout the day (most of which are great things) and leave the pretzels for him at the end of the day. Put in that light, it doesn't seem very fair, does it? Just as I expect him to come home from work and love me in a way I enjoy, I need to be doing the same for him.

Chapter 5 of Proverbs is a very important book explaining what happens when a man goes towards an immoral woman and gets involved in adultry. It is very much up to my husband to guard and watch his actions and heart, but it is just as much my responsibility to make it easier on him. I want to lighten his load and help him in whatever way I can. If that involves me putting forth more effort to love him in a way that is meaningful to him even though I am tired, then it's my heart's desire to do so. Notice that Titus 2:4 gives instructions for older women (who have been there already) to teach the young women to LOVE their husbands (which is listed before the children).

A lot of women hate hearing it, but if our husbands stray it may have a least a little to do with our lack of proactive action. No, I'm not blaming the wives nor excusing the husbands. I am reinforcing something discussed in the book "For Women Only" about how men often wish (but rarely tell) their wives would make more of an effort in things like her appearance and their sex life. GASP! He's supposed to love me for who I am! Yes, he is, but don't you think you should put in some effort too? I'm not saying you should neglect your children and house and become vain and unbalanced, but your husband deserves the good stuff you have to offer too, not just the pretzels. I know I want to start making more of an effort to enrapture my husband with my love, how about you?

Wednesday Wifehood: In Public

I've recently been watching some of the episodes of the Duggar's show, 17 and Counting. I find it fascinating as well as inspiring. I've already gotten some great ideas and tips to try out in my home for organizing and having patience with my children.

One of the things I noticed right away was how Michelle Duggar spoke about and to her husband. It was a good reminder that we should always watch how we speak, especially to our husbands and especially in front of others. There are some things that it's best to wait to say until we are alone with our husbands, especially if it's a problem area.

Far too often we see, both in daily life and on television and media, wives nagging at their husbands, tearing them down, belittling them, etc. It's seems women want to prove something and want to "win" over men no matter what the cost.

I have been learning how to keep quiet, pray about things that bother me and speak concerns in a loving, respectful way. I am learning. I'm not there yet, not even close. But I want to be. How about you? Have you been learning how to speak in a loving and respectful way to others? Do you have any tips for us?

Wednesday Wifehood: Your Own Husband

At last, a Wednesday Wifehood post! LoL. I hope to get back into doing the Created to Be His Helpmeet book starting off where we left off at Chapter 6 next week. As for this week, I found a wonderful little article about loving our own husband over at Heavenly Homemakers.

What a great reminder! It is so easy to feel like we have to copy other happy marriages or follow any little advice we read about how to love our husbands. It's so important to remember that we're to love our own husband who is a unique individual with needs and desires different from anyone else.

In a way, it's kind of a great challenge, as a wife, to be able to read our husband and know him so well that we know what he needs. :) Who doesn't love a good challenge? I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday and spend some time loving your husband in the unique ways he needs it today!

Wednesday Wifehood: Partnership or Corporation?

I've been reading a wonderful book called The Kingdom that Turned the World Upside Down by David Bercot. I love it and he wrote something I found very helpful about marriage:

Today, I see so many Christian books on marriage that talk about the "marriage partnership." But Jesus never referred to marriage as a partnership. He referred to as "one flesh," and that is quite different. In law, when two persons form a partnership, their separate identities still exist. If someone is negligently injured on the partnership property, the injured person can sue each pf the partners individually. The law sees the partnership as two individuals who happen to work together.

However, if two individuals create a corporation, that's different. As far as the law is concerned, when two persons incorporate, their individual identities are dissolved. If someone is injured on corporate property, he cannot normally sue the two persons who formed the corporation. He can sue only the corporation itself. The law sees the corporation as a new person. The corporation can sue or be sued as an entity of its own.

Similarly, marriage is like a corporation, not a partnership. A new entity is formed when a man and woman marry. They aren't partners; they have merged into "one flesh". The world may treat a husband and wife as partners, but Jesus doesn't. Who did Jesus say joins a man and woman together in marriage? God. So in marriage, a man and woman pass into the realm of eternity. I don't mean that marriage is eternal, but there are eternal realities that attach to marriage. Marriage is not a human institution; it's a heavenly institution. It is God who does the joining, but it is man who tried to do the separating.

How amazing! What a difference changing one word from partnership to corporation can make in how we view our marriages. I hope that you are encouraged today to be a corporation, not just a partnership! Do you have a thought or encouragement about Wifehood this week? Share it with us!

Created to be His Help Meet: Chapter 5

Last time, I wrote about Chapter Four in the book "Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious" by Debi Pearl which was about having a thanksgiving produces joy. If you're just joining us, you can start at Chapter One, Chapter Two and Chapter Three. Many of this book's topics aren't popular today and will require us to be serious with ourselves and God. If you're ready, let's go!

Chapter Five: The Gift of Wisdom

Debi Pearl writes "Do you have enough fear of God not to question His Word?" For example, when God's word says we were created to be our husband's help meet, do we follow it unquestioningly? Or do we, in the back of our minds and subtle actions, try to do things our own way?

We need to remember that when we serve and honor our husbands, we serve Christ. Our husbands may not deserve it, but we are still to serve them. We can't follow our feelings in this area. You may not always feel like serving your husband and this is where Godly wisdom comes in. God promises in His word (James 1:5) that He will give wisdom to all those who ask. But you have to ask. Debi writes:

A woman's calling is not easy. To allow someone else to control your life is much harder than taking control of it yourself. It can be a challenge, even for veteran wives. Don't despair. With wisdom from on high, you can be the woman God uses, if not to change that old man into a wonderful fellow, then at least to ease your own burden and become a heavenly bride fit for the Son of God Himself

She does on to explain that many people today are too timid to teach and follow God's Word as it is written today. How often do you hear "The original language really means..." or "You see, that culture..." I believe God knew enough to be able to write and preserve His Word in a way that I can understand and believe, therefore I take Him at His Word. Sometimes, deeper study can help give me clarification and deeper understanding, but I try to never use outside tools to alter the Word to fit my personal agenda.

God's word gives three main points in His blueprint for a married Christian woman:

1. God commands wives to submit to their OWN husbands
2. God informs men that they are the head of the wife
3. God tells wives to be subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan and all everyday affairs

My husband often tells me that our home works like a business. He is the CEO and I am a manager. He delegates parts of the management of our home to me and I report back and honor him in what I am doing. I know this sounds cold and it really is just an illustration, but it's helpful for shining some light on a marriage relationship. My husband and I are equals as people. But he has the authority over our home. As long as I submit to that and don't try to overthrow his authority, it goes well with us. :)

It's about my heart attitude too. I once heard "Obedience is in action, submission is in the heart." I can submit in my heart, but fail to act it out in obedience and I can obey in actions, but not really submit to my husband's authority in my heart. My husband often says he doesn't just want me to do what he wants, but he wants my heart to be towards submitting to him. It makes all the difference in the world and when my heart is towards submitting to him, doing what he asks is easier.

All of this takes wisdom from God. There are times when I really don't want to submit to my husband. It's these times that it takes faith in God that He really does want me to submit and act it out. This is faith in action, obeying what God's Word directs me to do. I need God's wisdom and strong faith sometimes to go along when I don't feel like it. I thank God that He gives wisdom liberally and it's a GIFT, not something that is earned, because I really need it!

Questions to ponder this week:

• Do I believe God's Word for what it says?
• Do I really believe that it's God's will for me to submit to my husband?
• To I "show" my faith by acting out what I say I believe about my relationship with my husband?
• Do I ask God to give me wisdom? Do I acknowledge that I need His gift of wisdom in submitting to my husband, especially when I don't want to?

Do you have a thought or post on Wifehood this week? If so, share with us!

Created to be His Help Meet: Chapter 4

Last time, I wrote about Chapter Three in the book "Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious" by Debi Pearl which was about having a thankful spirit. If you're just joining us, you can start at Chapter One and Chapter Two. Many of this book's topics aren't popular today and will require us to be serious with ourselves and God. If you're ready, let's go!

Chapter Four: Thanksgiving Produces Joy
Chapters 2, 3 and 4 are all very similar, talking about joy, peace and thankfulness. Debi Pearl writes:

Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last.... You have control over whether or not you and your husband will be "heirs together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7) or partners together in the tension and stress of life. You have much more control than you know.

Debi then tells a story where she was given a chance to become angry and bitter toward her husband, but she instead chose to love and forgive and find joy in it. We're so used to responding in anger when we don't get our way or people act in a way we don't aprove of. How does that affect our relationships? We have to choose to be angry and bitter. Why not choose thankfulness and joy instead? When our husbands don't do what we want (like taking out the garbage), should we become bitter about it or should we learn to enjoy helping him with it (not nagging, but doing it ourselves)?

Debi emphasizes that we and our husbands are playmates in this life together. Look for ways to have FUN in life. So often we drag ourselves through life without joy, peace or thanksgiving. Why not look for ways to enjoy life with our spouses instead?

She encourages us to remember that we are his helper and one of the things he needs is a playmate. Someone to make life more enjoyable. Someday you could have a wonderful relationship, but not because he's perfect or does everything you want, not because you are perfect or nag him to "help" him be a better person. You could have a wonderful relationship if you chose to go through your life and marriage with an outlook of forgiveness, not taking offense, even when you have a right to and being thankful for each day you have. You can have goodwill and a merry heart towards each other, if you chose to.

Lastly, remember that it's never too late to start. You can begin a life of thankfulness and joy from this day forward. Though you may think too much bad has happened, remember that Jesus' love and forgiveness can reach you wherever you are and you can begin changing your own attitude right now. Remember: practice makes perfect. Try practicing have a merry, thankful heart and goodwill towards your husband, no matter what has happened between you. Forgive him. Remember, you will never have to forgive anyone more than Jesus has forgiven you and we are commanded to forgive, no strings attached. I know with God's help we can do it!

Questions to ponder this week:

• Am I my husband's playmate?
• Do I chose to forgive and forget regularly? Do I have goodwill towards my husband?
• Do I find joy and thankfulness in doing things my husband doesn't when I want him to or do I harbor bitterness in my heart?
• Am I willing to begin a life of forgiveness today, remember that Jesus first forgave me?
• What do I have to be thankful in my life?

Do you have a thought or post you'd like to share on marriage? Feel free to leave a comment and share with us!

Created to be His Help Meet: Chapter 3

Last time, I wrote about Chapter Two in the book "Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious" by Debi Pearl which was about having a merry heart. If you're just joining us, you can start at Chapter One. Many of this book's topics aren't popular today and will require us to be serious with ourselves and God. If you're ready, let's go!

Chapter Three: A Thankful Spirit
A thought from Debi Pearl:

A wise woman sets a joyful mood in her home. Through laughter, music, and happy times, she creates a positive attitude in her children. She knows that a lighthearted home relieves her husband of stress.

It can be difficult some days to have a thankful, merry heart (like we talked about last week). This chapter especially talks about discontentment-like when we don't have the money/lifestyle we think we should. "All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast" (Proverbs 15:15) Debi says that discontentment is not a product of our circumstances, but of our souls. If we choose to be content and joyful in our hearts, our lives and homes will reflect that.


"...for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Phillipians 4:11) It's funny how our mindset can change the course of our day and our relationships. You know the saying "when mom is happy..." It's true. And mom should be happy all the time. Not a situational, flimsy, selfish happy, but a true joy of God (because it is a fruit of the spirit) knowing that God has richly blessed us with not only salvation, but even worldly comforts (even if they aren't up to our own standards).

Some people may say that "I'm just not a naturally happy person." I would ask them if they are a natural cook (or whatever they are) or did they have to practice to become what they are now? The point is, joy, just like anything else, needs to be practiced. And when you fail, try again! Learn to be thankful. Learn to smile each day. Learn to enjoy you life!

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful." (Colossians 3:15) Often, with joy comes peace. I wrote several of the verses Debi listed on joy and contentment on an idex card and put it on my dresser. I often read through them when I am dressing and such and Proverbs 15:15 is now becoming etched in my heart. I would encourage you to do the same!

Questions to ponder this week:

• Do you walk to joy most of the time? Some of the time? Rarely? Start where you're at and ask God to help you practice to become more joyful.
• Do your circumstances steal you joy, cause you stress or cause strife in your marriage? Would becoming content with your state give you and your family more peace and joy?
• How are your children's attitudes? Are they reflecting your attitude?

Do you have an encouraging thought to share on Wifehood? Tell us about it!

Created to be His Help Meet: Chapter 2

Last time, I wrote about Chapter One in the book "Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious" by Debi Pearl which was about changing the way we think about ourselves in relation to our husbands. Many of these topics aren't popular today and will require us to be serious with ourselves and God. If you're ready, let's go!

Chapter 2: A Merry Heart
This week is pretty simple and straightforward. The topic for this chapter comes from the verse Proverbs 17:22 "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." The main message is self explanatory. A smile is contagious and infectiously spreads a good mood to all those around you. All people, including your husband, love a smiling woman with joy in her heart. Not only will smiling lift the mood of those around you, but it will be like medicine to your own heart as well.

Some days, a smile and joyful heart will take effort. A lot of effort. But you have to decide to have be joyful and make the effort for your husband. He and your marriage are worth the effort! Some days, you have to fight for your marriage.

I know that I often am tired and weary after a long day of dealing with two little ones and the last thing I want to do is make an effort to smile and be joyful. My husband has told me before that it can be difficult to want to be around me when I'm "in a mood." I know the Lord tells us to be filled with joy, so that is my goal to strive for. I'm not there yet, but I will keep on asking God to fill me, both for my marriage and for me!

Questions to ponder this week:

• When you and your husband first met, did you laugh a lot together? Do you still?
• Do you mope around and have a long face?
• Are you still your husband's sweet smiling lover and admirer?
• Do you bring a smile to his face when he looks at you or do you cause his joy to dry up?

Ask God to fill you with joy, one of the fruits of the spirit, and to be mindful to show it outwardly, especially to your husband. God gives abundantly to those who ask and believe! Do you have a thought to share on Wifehood? Leave us a comment!

Created to be His Help Meet: Chapter 1

I originally posted this in August/2009. In keeping with my new focus on inspiring others in Titus 2, I've decided to repost the Created to be His Help Meet articles I've written and to continue on with the book. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

I've read and loved the book "Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious" by Debi Pearl and I plan on writing about and reviewing each chapter of that book here on Wednesdays. So, without further ado:

Chapter One: God's Gift
Now ladies, what's the first thing that comes into your mind when I say "You are God's gift to your husband?" Be honest. When I first read the chapter about God's gift to men, a twinge of resistance rose up in my heart. Debi Pearl says that as a woman, I was created to fill a need, to be a helper suited to the needs of a man. A part of me didn't like reading that. Furthermore, she writes "A wise woman doesn't take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely."

Knocks the pride of feminism right down, doesn't it? But rather than consider the negative feelings this can give rise to, consider the good. I am a GIFT. God only gives perfect and wonderful gifts that are needed and I am, therefore, exactly what my husband needs. Do I choose to live as the perfect gift to my husband? Or do I treat him as if he owes me something? Read Genesis 2. Who was the gift and who was the receiver? As a mother who stays home all day with our children, it's very easy to give in to expecting my husband to come home and do certain things or behave certain ways, as if he's my helper.

I am tempted to list so many of Debi Pearl's words here, but I won't because I truly hope that you'll get it to read for yourself or you can check out their site. It really is worth it in my opinion. But for this week, I want to encourage you, wives, to be the perfect gift to your husband. As Debi puts it:

"Does your husband share Adam's feelings of delight when he looks upon you? Do you wake up each morning ready to make your husband happy and blessed, to serve him to the best of your ability-to be his helper? Are you engaged in active goodwill toward your man? That is God's perfect will for you."

"But she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband" 1 Corinthians 7:34

This isn't about what he deserves. It's about honoring your husband because God wants you to, even when it's hard. When you honor your husband, you honor God and you are a living testimony of Jesus Christ to those who are around you. The world will notice something different about you (because this principle certainly isn't popular in the world today) and as Christians, we are called to be different and to shine light. Showing the gospel of Christ to the world can be as simple as honoring our husbands the way the Bible says we should. Funny how Satan makes us think that it's so much harder than that. So many Christians like to focus on "soul winning" and such when simply living our lives in Christ's pattern and perfect will speaks louder than our words do.

Women are by no means inferior to men. Simply different. I have a different calling than my husband. My calling is to honor and serve him, making it easier for him to follow his calling. I support him, submit to his authority and look to find ways to make his job easier. This is my God-given nature. If I live out my calling, I will bring him honor among others. "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband" Proverbs 12:4. Am I seeking to bring my husband honor, or myself? In seeking not my own, but my husband's, in the end I will be honored as well: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" (Proverbs 31:28) and "Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates." (Proverbs 31:31) Your faithfulness, diligence and selflessness will not go overlooked by God!

Questions to ponder this week:

• Am I seeking my own honor and recognition, or my husband's?
• Do I treat my husband as if he's my helper?
  
• Am I what my husband would consider the perfect gift?
• How can I better help my husband in everyday life? What practical things would my husband be pleased to see me do? (Packing his lunch each morning, making sure his work clothes are clean in time, etc.)

May God bless you as you seek to be your husband's help meet! Please feel free to share the ways you are your husband's help meet or to leave your own link about wifehood! You can go to Chapter 2 over here!

Wednesday Wifehood: Discipline

Photo by Swami Stream

Originally posted March 11th, 2009

I thought I'd send you to this post over here about discipline. I really like the way her bible dictionary defines the word discipline: "to learn or get to know, a direct kind of aquaintance with something or someone. Discipline refers to the process by which one learns a way of life."

Hmmm.... very interesting, especially if we ponder it not only in respect to Jesus. What about our husbands, who are like Jesus to us here on earth? Do we make ourselves disciples of our husbands as the disciples were with Jesus? I've often heard people talk about "studying" your spouse, knowing what makes them tick. How are we to know how best to help our husbands, how best to support them, if we do not make it our purpose to fully know and aquaint ourselves with them?

My aunt sometimes tells me ways that she makes her house a home and comfort to her husband and one of the ways is by knowing some of his "quirks." For example, he can't stand dishes in the sink. So, on days when he is home, she makes sure the dishes are quickly done, but on days he's working (at a firehouse) she gets to them at her own pace. Our husbands are all unique and need and want different things. What my husband desires from me as a wife will differ from what your husband desires. You were created to be your husband's help meet. Let us purpose to become disciples of our OWN husbands!

Wednesday Wifehood: Trust

TRUST

It's a word that we hear used often, isn't it? We hear it in commercials on tv, we hear it used by big companies filled with people we don't know and we hear children flippantly say it to one another. The word has kind of lost it's meaning in today's society.

So, when I'm upset about something or having a "discussion" with my husband, it can kind of irk me when he says "just trust me." I'm not sure why, but it usually makes me more upset when he says it, especially when we're discussing concerns about courses of action. It almost feels condescending in a way, I guess.

But here's the thing. When we come to a point and I just go along with it and trust him, everything ends up fine in the end anyway. Ultimately, when I'm trusting my husband to lead me, I'm trusting God to lead my husband and look out for me too. In not trusting my husband, I'm not trusting that God will provide and take care of me, no matter where we go or what we do.

We, or at I, have this subtle mental stumbling block thinking "if we don't do exactly what God wants or make just the right choices, we'll end up somewhere bad and God will abandon us." Of course, it's never as plain as that, but it's usually some version of that. When you boil it all down, a lack of trusting my husband is really me thinking God will abandon me because we're not doing things my way (ouch). As long as my heart stays towards God, I have nothing to fear in following my husband. Recognizing this makes the battle a little easier.

So, in the end, I can put up a big fuss and get all upset and everything eventually ends up ok or I could just trust God and my husband and everything will eventually be ok. Hmmm..... Yes, it's easier said than done, for sure. But I think I'll choose to try to trust my husband and leave the outcome up to God. Trust me, it'll be a lesson worth trying to learn!

Do you have any encouraging thoughts on Wifehood this week? Share with us!

Wednesday Wifehood: After Valentine's Day

It's been almost two weeks after Valentine's Day and that leaves me wondering. Has the feeling of love and devotion disappeared with it? Do we limit our expressions of love to one Hallmark Day? It's so very easy for life to slip in and wipe away our memory of the decisions we've made to be more purposeful in our expressions of love.

I'm guilty. I woke up in a "funk" today. My 8 month old is still having troubles sleeping at night, she might be teething, my 2 1/2 year old wakes up asking me to turn on her Dora movie and I'm exhausted by 8 AM. My husband didn't have to leave for work until 9:40 AM and instead of being blessed by having him here, I was thinking about how it meant he wouldn't be home until close to 7 tonight. What an awful start to the day.

These are the kinds of days I wish I had a "do-over" button for. God's form of a do-over button is repentance and grace. I can stop, repent of my selfish, frustrated mood and ask His grace to continue the day with His joy and peace. The amazing thing about God is that if we ask for it, we will receive it. But we have to ask. We have to acknowledge that something is wrong and seek to correct it.

So, I'm going to go repent and ask for grace now. :) Do you have any encouraging thoughts about wifehood you'd like to share with us? Link up or leave a comment!

Wednesday Wifehood: Honesty and Humility

I have recently been reading a book for a review called Love and War which is a Christian marriage book written by John and Stasi Elderedge. Fantastic, by the way, and I'll be posting my review soon. It's an upfront, honest look at how difficult marriage is and it's really gotten me thinking.

My marriage can be difficult. We're pretty newly married (3 1/2 years) with two young kids (2 1/2 and 7 months) and like many others right now, we're struggling financially at times. I thought I was crazy, depressed, made a wrong choice in marriage and a whole host of other things we don't normally admit out loud. Reading that this is pretty normal in a marriage helped me soooooo much. I'm not alone!!

Many times, after posting something encouraging about marriage here on this blog, I'm challenged in my own marriage and I feel like a hypocrite and have even considered taking some of the posts down. The last thing I want people to think is that I'm perfect. Far from it. I want people to understand that they're not alone in their imperfection.

I've left up my encouragement, both for me and my readers. Hard times and struggles and "discussions" in marriage are healthy, normal and OK! It just shows that we're undergoing a transformation and sharpening which is often directing and caused by God. God wants you to be transformed in your marriage.

So don't be discouraged by these things in your marriage. Rejoice, knowing that God works all things together for good for those who love Him! Do you have an encouraging thought about wifehood you'd like to share with us? Leave a comment or link up and share with us!

Wednesday Wifehood: Valentine's Edition

Some people love it and some hate it. But whether you love it or hate, Valentine's Day is still February 14th every year (in America) and it deserves some thought. I agree, Valentine's Day is primarily a Hallmark Day that tries to commercialize love. But it doesn't have to be. Rather, we can use all the hype to help us to remember to appreciate our husbands and those we love.

We shouldn't need a hyped up day to show love. I fully agree. But tell me, on a day to day basis, how are you doing with appreciating your husband? It's very easy in the flow and bustle of life to forget to stop and remember why you love your husband, especially when you have small children and/or are having struggles in life. I know I'm guilty!

I see toothpaste in the sink and I get irritated. My husband often works 7AM to 7PM and I get lonely. When he is home he actually has the *gull* to want to relax and I get frustrated. I often do almost everything around here with the cleaning and children and start to feel unappreciated. It's so very easy for all this to add up and steal my joy from my marriage.

It's a good thing to be married. The Bible even says so. :) That doesn't make it easy. So, once a year, America has a commercialized holiday about love. Once a year, they also have a commercialized holiday in December, but that doesn't stop me from using it to remind myself and others about Christ's love. So I'm also going to use this holiday in February to remind myself of the reasons I love and admire my husband.

I will choose to celebrate my marriage, even when it's hard. I hope to do so more than once a year, but for now I'll focus on the opportunity that's been created by the world. I use it to remember that I love how practical my husband is. I love how wise and honest he is. I love what a great leader he is. I hope to find ways, in the next week or so, to celebrate and thank him for all these ways that I love him, because I don't do it enough!

Do you have some encouraging thoughts on wifehood this week? Link up or leave a comment and share with us!

Wednesday Wifehood

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jwthompson2/ / CC BY 2.0

Lady Jen wrote a fantastic little story about boys and girls playground antics. It's funny because my husband often tells me that most people's behavior can be traced back to grade school or high school, simply because it's basic human nature. She makes a very good point too.

As women, we're often vying for "equal" status with men and in doing so, we often lose something in the process. We interfere with our God given roles as men and women and don't allow the men to raise up as they should. Not to say that we're inferior, of course, just... different. Duh. That's basic grade school knowledge too. :) Check out her story. It's pretty short, but very sweet!

Interested in some more about the differences in men and women's roles? Check out some of the Wednesday Wifehood posts on the book "Created to be His Help Meet" which is a book that examines our God given roles in marriage and how to celebrate that.

Do you have any encouraging thoughts or posts on Wifehood you'd like to share with us this week? Link up or leave a comment!

Wifehood Wednesday

Originally posted 3/18/09

As my husband has been getting more and more work with the nursing home, I've gotten to see a lot of the ups and downs to different work schedules and time off. He recently worked 4-12hour shifts in a row (although one was technically 9 hours) and all of them were at night. Yep, he was gone from 7pm to 7am. That was hard, to learn to adjust to him being gone all night, sleeping most of the day and then leaving again shortly after he woke up. Today he's working 7 am-7pm and I won't see him until we meet tonight at church. He's also had trouble adjusting to changing from night to day shift so often and quickly and yesterday he didn't sleep at all.

It's hard, as a wife, to know how to properly pray, support, and help him. I am so very thankful for the work God's been providing for us and I try to remember to thank Him for it and to thank my husband for working so hard for us. I believe it's important to encourage our husbands and to be thankful for the work they do.

One thing this season in our lives has taught me, is to be thankful for the wonderful father he is. Sometimes he delights in frustrating Lizzy, dresses her in terrible outfits, is what I consider a little too rough on her or drives me crazy when he gets her all worked up right before bedtime. On the other hand, the other night, after he left and it was time for Lizzy to go to bed, she went to his side of our bedroom to give him a goodnight kiss and was confused as to why he wasn't there. This morning she pointed to his side of the bed, because he's usually still sleeping when he works nights, and kept saying "Dada!" Yesterday at the park, she shrieked with delight as he chased her around the little toddler sized buildings and as he pushed her (what I considered to be too high) on the swings.

I know he's not perfect, but Lizzy sure thinks he is. Maybe we should remember to see our husbands through our toddlers eyes and perhaps we should take some time to see God in the same way. Our hero.

Do you have any encouraging thoughts or posts on Wifehood you'd like to share with us? Link up or leave a comment to join us for Wifehood Wednesday!

Wednesday Wifehood

I've been trying to catch up and get some things in order lately... both in life and online, so until then, I'm going to repost some of my favorite posts from the past. Hope you don't mind! Plus it'll give those of you who are new a chance to learn more about me and this blog! :)

This Wednesday Wifehood was originally posted 2/11/09


I'm sitting here eating the Honey Nut Cheerios snack mix I got from Giant Eagle with a coupon this week (picking out the pretzels of course) and wondering why they would put nasty pretzels in a sweet snack mix. I'm not a fan of pretzels and whenever I eat snack mixes (which always have them!!) I usually just hand them to my husband and won't let him have any of the good stuff like the chex pieces or little breadsticks. He's so good to me and eats them all without too much complaint! :)

A thought stuck me today as I was reading my Proverb for the day: #5. Good old #5 about how men need to stay away from immoral women. In verse 19 it says "As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her (the wife of your youth) breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love." Most of us wives say "Yeah! That's right!" But do we ever think about what this verse may mean for us, besides security? "Be enraptured with her love" kinda gives the inpression that the wive is ACTIVELY loving her husband, huh? I think this ties in with Titus 2:4 very well: "that they (older women) admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children..."

Let's take that thought a little further, even. Am I loving my husband actively in a way that will enrapture him? You may think "It's up to him to accept it" but hold on for a minute. Isn't it our job as wives to be our husbands "help"meets? Isn't it my goal in our relationship to do what I can to help, encourage, and come beside him? Do you think that might including making it easier for him to be enraptured by my love?

If you've never heard of the Five Love Languages book, this may be confusing to you, but the whole idea is that everyone has one of five distinct ways they like to give and receive love. I was a skeptic at first, especially when my husband told me he'd taken the test and his love language was touch. I figured he was just saying that because he wanted it that way, etc. I was a skeptic until I overheard the author of the book, Gary Chapman, on a radio program talking about what happens in a marriage where the partners aren't speaking each other's love language. He described my (then) current marriage state loud and clear and it was a slap in the face to hear a stranger I didn't buy into explain all the little struggles we were dealing with no one else around could see. After that I took the test and am considering reading the book now. My husband is touch and I am gifts and quality time.

Now here's obstacle #1. Touch was the lowest one for me. Actually, I scored a 0 out 0f 12 on that one. Honestly, I don't like to be touched much, especially when I'm pregnant. Maybe the occasional hug and goodnight kiss. Here's obstacle #2. I spend all day wiping a runny nose, changing poopy diapers, cooking, cleaning, reading and a whole host of other things. You mean to tell me that after all that, when I feel completely drained, I need to actively love my husband in a way that's difficult for me? In a word: YES.

Back to my illustration about the pretzels. I have been giving my husband the pretzels out of the bag of my time and energy. I happily give my time to a lot of things throughout the day (most of which are great things) and leave the pretzels for him at the end of the day. Put in that light, it doesn't seem very fair, does it? Just as I expect him to come home from work and love me in a way I enjoy, I need to be doing the same for him.

Chapter 5 of Proverbs is a very important book explaining what happens when a man goes towards an immoral woman and gets involved in adultry. It is very much up to my husband to guard and watch his actions and heart, but it is just as much my responsibility to make it easier on him. I want to lighten his load and help him in whatever way I can. If that involves me putting forth more effort to love him in a way that is meaningful to him even though I am tired, then it's my heart's desire to do so. Notice that Titus 2:4 gives instructions for older women (who have been there already) to teach the young women to LOVE their husbands (which is listed before the children).

A lot of women hate hearing it, but if our husbands stray it may have a least a little to do with our lack of proactive action. No, I'm not blaming the wives nor excusing the husbands. I am reinforcing something discussed in the book "For Women Only" about how men often wish (but rarely tell) their wives would make more of an effort in things like her appearance and their sex life. *GASP!* He's supposed to love me for who I am! Yes, he is, but don't you think you should put in some effort too? I'm not saying you should neglect your children and house and become vain and unbalanced, but your husband deserves the good stuff you have to offer too, not just the pretzels. I know I want to start making more of an effort to enrapture my husband with my love, how about you?

Do you have any encouraging thoughts on Wifehood? Share them with us on your blog and link up or you can share with us in a comment!

Wednesday Wifehood: Anniversary

I've been absent in my posting of the Wednesday Wifehood series lately. I fully intend to continue going through the Created to be His Help Meet book, hopefully next week, but this week is special. Today is my husband and my 3rd Anniversary! I can hardly believe it's already been 3 years, which seems like forever to me. :)


Out of our marriage have come two lovely children so far and lots of ups and downs! I'm still learning what it means to be a Godly wife that submits to her husband (a very hard lesson for this strong willed girl). The situation we've been going through lately has really brought us together as a couple and is teaching me in a practical way how a wife should submit and how God intended a New Covenant marriage to look. Praise God for His practical training!

Tonight, in celebration I will be making one of my hubby's favorite meals, Cavatini, with some sparkling grape juice and enjoying being with him. How long have you been married and what are some of the lessons and advice you've learned? Come share with us with a link or comment!

Gratituesday/Wednesday Wifehood

:) Need I say more? My husband and 7 week old sleeping peacefully together. To see other Gratituesday posts, check out Heavenly Homemaker's site. For other cool pictures check out Wordless Wednesday!

Wednesday Wifehood

My goodness, it feels like I've been gone forever! I have been very well engaged by my two little ones ( almost 2 years old and 3 weeks old!) and I've been devoting a lot of my time to sleep, reading and learning to be a good help meet to my husband.

I have been so blessed by the book "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. I started reading it and couldn't stop. I zoomed right through it, not taking the time to truly digest all of it and do the "Time to Consider" parts that involve thorough bible study and reflection. I am now going to take the time to work through the book, chapter by chapter (24) and do the reflection, with my thoughts recorded here. A lot of the topics in this book are controversial in today's "mail order" Christianity and I will not argue over any of it with anyone. I will answer any honest, thoughtful questions and discuss with people who truly want to better their understanding, know the truth and follow the bible, but I won't engage in an argument with someone out to prove their point or make excuses for wanting to do things their own way. The point of this book is that we no longer do things our way, but God's and our husband's. Sadly, this is a controversial thing today, even in the church. I hope you'll follow along with me and even consider reading the book yourself. I highly recommend it. My husband says he's already noticed a difference in me and I feel different (in a good way) too! I feel my marriage has already gotten stronger. I'll post about Chapter 1 next week. Until then, do you have any thoughts on biblical wifehood you'd like to share?